


Double the Fun

by jedi_penguin



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Episode Related, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-04
Updated: 2010-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-05 19:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedi_penguin/pseuds/jedi_penguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anya's a lucky girl...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Double the Fun

**Author's Note:**

> A highly plausible AU for "The Replacement"

"So," Anya began speculatively. "You Xanders really do have all the same memories, all the same... physical attributes?" She accompanied that question with suggestive glances and lewd laughter.

Suave Xander ignored the implications, preferring to stick with neutrality. "We're completely identical."

"Yeah," Scruffy Xander enthused. "We checked out some stuff in the car on the way over." He belatedly realized how that sounded, for he hastily added, "Fingerprints!"

"Well, maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away," Anya said with the blunt matter-of-factness that never failed to enchant Xander. "See, I can take the boys home, and... we can all have sex together, and... you know. Just slap 'em back together in the morning."

Suave Xander grinned uncomfortably. "She's joking."

"No she's not!" Scruffy Xander yelped. "She entirely wants to have sex with us together. Which is ... **wrong**. And, and it would be very confusing."

It would be wrong. **Very** wrong. Very, very, **VERY** wrong. And shit but he was tempted. Scruffy Xander looked over at his more capable double, and saw that he wasn't alone. The idea had a lot of appeal, in a dirty wrong one-should-never-go-there sort of way.

Giles stood up and began cleaning his glasses. "Uh, uh, we just need to light the candles. Also," he added with a distasteful frown, "we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk."

"Check," Willow confirmed. "Candles and pretense."

A second later, Willow spoke up again. "Uh, Giles. Not so much on the check. We're all out. Of candles, I mean. Not pretense."

"I'll get them," Anya volunteered quickly. "The Xanders can help me!"

"They're just downstairs," Giles said suspiciously. "You don't need any help."

"But they're up too high for me to reach," Anya explained. "I need the Xanders to… uh… reach stuff." She smiled innocently.

Giles frowned ferociously. "If I ever hear one word, one **single** word, about why it took you half an hour to go to the basement, you're fired."

"You won't," Suave Xander assured him. He grabbed Anya's hand shoved his scruffy double forward with his shoulder. "I'm sure there are all sorts of boxes and things to move around. Very cluttered down there."

"Thank you, Xander," Giles said gratefully.

"There aren't—"

"C'mon, Anya," Suave Xander interrupted her.

"I'm giving them fifteen minutes," Riley said confidently. Seeing Giles' glare, he flinched. "Uh, I mean, I don't think those boxes are as… full as…" He trailed out with a sheepish grin. "There's no graceful way out of this, is there?"

"None that I can see," Giles said. "Um, who wants to go out for donuts?" Buffy, Willow and Riley all raised their hands at the same time. "Right. We can trust them to, uh— Right. Let's go."

The shop was empty when they returned an hour and a half later. A shout from Riley brought the three missing Scoobies up from the basement. Even Suave Xander looked rather… scruffy.

"We've decided to leave Xander like this," Anya informed the others. She nodded at the neater man. "He can go to work and he," nodding at the other, "can take care of the house. Or something."

"Something?" Willow asked.

"I'm sure he must be good at two things. I mean, he's so good at—"

Giles coughed, causing Suave Xander to cover Anya's mouth.

"Do you really think that's wise?" Buffy asked, ignoring the side show. "I mean, if anything were to happen to one—"

Anya ducked under the arm of Scruffy Xander. "Oh, we'll keep him safe."

Giles looked at the weaker Xander with concern. "Are you quite certain that this is what you want?"

"Oh, yeah," he said happily. "I've decided it's not so bad being a butt-monkey!"


End file.
